Tuesday, January 6, 2009

One foot in front of the other

Aw, you guys.

Thanks for the support, both here and by email. It means a lot to know I'm not talking to myself - more than I already do on a daily basis anyway.

The problem with trying to find my happiness is... Uh, where do I start looking? Behind the couch? Nope, just some baby toys and dog hair. Does happiness go the way of lost socks? Do I need a map to find it?

(And don't you love how I keep saying "Lost my happy" instead of just coming out and saying "I'm depressed"? It's like being an addict. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem but if you don't admit to a problem then THERE IS NO PROBLEM. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Today.)

Someone recommended B6. I've read recently a bit about B6 and I think I'll try that and see how it goes. I just need to confirm as a breastfeeding mother that these supplements are safe to take.

Also, Seasonal Affective Disorder (or, SAD. Isn't that adorable?) kicks my ass every year. I should get one of those special lights, like someone else recommended. Maybe two lights. Maybe twenty.

My husband and I started working out last night. Getting healthier helps beat back depression. But do you know what beats back exercise? Pie. On a positive note, the pie is now gone so we don't have that excuse to not work out. Can we have a moment of silence for the pie, though? It was damn good pie.

I'm up for other suggestions to try. Suggest anything that doesn't require a prescription and is still healthy for me and my family and I'll try it. If there's a book to read, I'll read it. If there's a particular work out, I'll do it. It will hurt, but I'll do it. I'll curse the whole time, but I'll do it. I've got to do something, no matter how painful it is (and take the word "painful" with a grain of salt because I'm a wussbag), because it has to be better than the alternative.

Tomorrow I'm going to wake up bright and early, because I have to not because I want to, and find something that makes me happy no matter how simple that might be. Baby steps. No matter how unhappy or even content a person is, you should always find something, one thing, that makes you smile.

Tomorrow I will find something out of the ordinary that makes me smile. That's all I can do.


flutter said...

ok, you will think I am an idiot...but really? I write one sticky note every day that had on it, one thing that I have to be happy about. I keep them all stuck to a mirror..it's hard not to feel a little better when I look at all of them

Fairly Odd Mother said...

I just wrote about making a vow to be nicer to random people who cross my path. I'm hoping the more nice I give out, the more nice that will come back to me. You know, Karma.

Also, watching the Rock of Love bus makes me feel pretty damn good about how I've turned out.

just another Canadian said...

Have you bought a bottle of vitamin B of the #6 variety yet?
I get a little thrill everytime I get a new one.
My own little self medicating rush.
My happy is waiting for me when my kids are teenagers and do not want to talk, hang, swing, howl and whatever at me.
Excuse me I need to wrangle a three year old girl back in to bed.

Heather said...

I find if my kids and I put on some music and have a dance party we are all smiles. Unfortunately, dance parties are not practical every day.

Chibi said...

Is B6 better than a B complex? I've been taking a B50 for months and haven't noticed a difference.

P.S. What kind of pie was it? And did it have vanilla ice cream? I love pie.

Mrs Mommy said...

Oh oh oh! Starbucks makes this mommy VERY happy, even if its only til the cup is empty!

Anonymous said...

This is not everyone's cup of tea, but, I feed the birds. It can become an expensive habit and I pondered it as I was preparing my seed order last fall. Then I realized that some days the only smiles I experience are those that come when I am watching the birds at the feeder. Also, it means that I have to get dressed and go outside every day all winter long, when I suspect that without that focus, I would hibernate quite efficiently.

Domestic Extraordinaire said...

I find that I have found some happiness in my hobbies. I try to make sure I take time at least once a week to do what I love that doesn't have to do with the kiddos.

Many hugs on your journey!

morethanmom said...

I met a woman at the gym who has SAD. She said her doctor tested her vitamin D levels and they were super low. Now she's on a prescription level of Vit D. My sister just got through a really bad year of depression. (She's on meds now.) But she asked the doctor to test her levels of D and she was also super low and is ready to start a prescription of Vit D. I read that the northern half of the USA is more likely to be low in D which can lead to depresssion. Maybe it would help. I hope so!

LizP said...

Vitamin D and Omega 3's help too. You can have your D levels checked by your doctor. They say 15 minutes of sunlight a day helps too. I know that's no consolation when the NE is having a raging storm. We're not getting much sun here in the PNW either. Vitamins and hunker down until spring?

Mac and Cheese said...

I'd recommend The Secret, but you'd probably throw something at me.

Anonymous said...

Mmmm... pie. I love pie. Pie will definitely be on my list of happy things. I like flutter's suggestion to write down a new happy thing every day.

motherbumper said...

Baby steps, yup, it's gotta be baby steps.

catnip said...

I wish I could think of a suggestion. Today's ice/sleet storm made me too cranky. Maybe I should stop commenting - I'm just gonna bring you down!

MOm said...

Been there, done that. You are tired. Tired people lose their happy all the time. I usually find my happy under my pillow.
Another way of putting it: your two littles are using your happy right now. Eventually they will give it back. In the meantime, hang in there.
PS. Ballroom dancing is mega-fun. The larger half and I spend as much time laughing over stepping on each other's toes as we do dancing.

Dr. Liz said...

I don't know if it has fallen out of favor for some reason, but I take St. John's Wort regularly (it been used as an anti-depressant for literally hundreds of years), and it help keep things on an even keel. I know there is some debate about it making the Pill slightly less effective, but I don't know about any other issues with it. (Oh, yeah, and for SAD? Eh, we moved to Arizona for the winter. Wow has THAT done wonders! But not exactly practical for everyone, I know!)

Anonymous said...

is there something that you enjoyed doing as a child that you could do now? I guess that might be classified as a "hobby", but it sure is fun to rediscover something that you can lose yourself in. For me it was riding horses - i've found it to be highly therapeutic.

Caffeinatrix said...

I take a time-released b-complex vitamin for the exact reason you mentioned—to help with depression. I don't know if it works because I haven't had the balls to wean off Wellbutrin. But I kinda forgot to take it (durrrrrr!!?) for two days and my cranky-ass bitch level seems to be an indicator of that lapse. In any case, I'll be watching, reading etc to see how it goes for you.

mamatulip said...

When my mum was sick we both started gratitude journals. Every day we wrote down five things that we were grateful for that day. I stopped doing it after she died, but I've started up again this year.

Sometimes, it's all I need to jump-start my mindframe.

Curved said...

When my spouse, who suffers from generalized anxiety with major depressive episodes, is feeling especially blue -- we buy a big bar of real dark chocolate.

Dark chocolate releases your happy seratonin as well as other "feel good" chemicals. So if you are in a bit of a slump, you actually have an excuse to eat more chocolate ;).

I think dark chocolate is good for you in other ways too, but I have not read up on it -- I don't even like it ! :(

Mandy said...

Not a lurker, but thought I'd add to your comment section.

Darcie said...

Baby steps, yes.
I really got a lot from Martha Manning's book Undercurrents. Its not-so-much a self-help book, but her personal story of depression is comforting and inspiring.

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy has also been suggested to me (although I have yet to read it).